My Wife, My Parrot And Ups Man
A fellow is browsing in a pet store, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch: It doesn't have any feet or legs.
The guy says aloud
“Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?” The parrot says
“I was born this way
I'm a defective parrot.
“Holy cow.” The guy replies
“You actually understood and answered me!”
“I got every word.” Says The the parrot
“I happen to be a highly intelligent, and thoroughly educated bird.
“Oh yeah?” The guy asks
“Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet?”
“Well.” The parrot says
“This is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook
You can't see it, because of my feathers.”
“Wow.” Says the guy
You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you?”
“Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy
I'm especially good at ornithology
You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.” The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag.
“Sorry, but I just can't afford that.”
“Pssssssst.” says the parrot, ‘I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet
You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!” The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by
The parrot is sensational!
He has a great sense of humour, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful
The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes.
“Psssssssssst' and motions him over with one wing
“I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the UPS man.”
“What are you talking about,?” Asks the guy.
“When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.”
“WHAT???” The guy asks incredulously.
“THEN what happened?”
“Well, then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over.” Reported the parrot.
“NO!” He exclaims
“And she let him?”
“Yes.”
“Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.”
Then the frantic guy demands
“THEN WHAT HAPPENED?”
“I DUNNO
I got a hard-on and fell off my perch.”
